Dreams

Its like i cant contain this anymore, the same dream every single day. There is nothing different as each dark hour passes by. Thought I'd talk to mom about it, but she would get worried..

I think its because im not dealing with it and am just letting sleeping dogs lie. Well this one is like Hagrid's fluffy with a jinxed magical harp making it doze. When the spell wears off I'll have three toothie canine freaks in one body chasing me around the house.

Yeah i may need a broom to fly off in.. but where to.. this is all in my head. Theres not much room in there now... with all the stuff i have to remember.... im so glad God made something called "forgetting". Most people would call it a bane , i think its fantastic, just like chewing gum, youre not eating , but chewing.. all the time fooling your tummy that food is on its way!!

Storms....

Im gifted... i can see them coming... Almost as well as one who tells the weather. Only im more accurate....

On Christmas Day, a long time ago…..

Its was the year 1983, we lived in Conoor. Every Christmas, Mom would make me a silken skirt, that year it was a very traditional color –parrot green with a pink border, the memory of that Christmas day is as fresh as that color was that day. We would visit the church from our hilltop home; it would rain and make it difficult for us to get past the running water. The water ran high and for an eight year old the water almost reached the waist.

Thamby took one look at the water level and then at me, and knew that there was no way I was going to make it across by myself. Mom was struggling herself. He ran upto me and picked me up and carried me through the water and took me home. It was a shock and a surprise to see that he cared so much about his sister who was otherwise his rival , the one whom he so wanted to remove from his life because she took his place at home that he cherished and kept for seven glorious years of undivided attention from both mom and Dad.

That rainy Christmas day changed the way I saw Thamby and our relationship. Honestly, I didn’t know I hurt him so much by just being born. I decided to share eggs that were on ration at home those days, not because I was Miss. generous, but because I didn’t care for them much. He liked eggs a lot though!

I can’t say we got on like coffee and sugar, but at least we weren’t at each others throat. Most often I got what I wanted because I was stubborn and adamant unlike Thamby who would try to please my parents and give up his own desires except for taking up shipping for a career.

When I saw him leave to Bombay for the first time to join sea, I knew my brother was going far, and it would take him a long time to come back. The good thing was that even if it was a long time he would come back home again to our small family of four.

When it was time for him to come home, we would cleanup the house, paint it sometimes and prepare for that day a little more than we would for Christmas. I can never forget how Mom and dad would wait eagerly around his suitcase as he unraveled the very many gifts he would bring for them.

The Sea is mighty and although it took my brother far away for most of the year, it always brought him back a lot wealthier each time around.. But deception…. I didn’t know its power until it tore Thamby away from me.

It hurt me more than the time when Patrick walked out on me and my son of a few weeks.

Most of my gifts would be bought but they would be taken away by cousins before they reached me but it didn’t matter, because back then I still had my brother…Now I have only memories…..

Better Unsaid

Now you cant go back in time and take away those embarrassing moments in life that you so want to go away.... I found another option... Talk less or not talk at all... There's this poster I saw a few years ago.

"Its better to keep your mouth shut and have people
think you're an idiot than to open it and remove all doubt!"

Busy in the process of finding reason... Behind things and what people say I found that most people get angry and use manipulative tactics to hide their own inadequacies... That haunt them so much that they cannot bear to see other normal successful people.

It was surprising to see it happen between partners in a marriage! You never know until you wake up this fact.